How to identify a Narcissistic Abuser for your safety:
As a Wiccan healer who has direct experience in dealing with abuse, harm, and violence in relationship life, I can help you identify negative behaviour and distance yourself from the same.
An example is identifying narcissistic abusers. Narcissism is a superiority complex that stems from a deep lack of love and compassion.
1. Remember that humans who are staunch non vegans are usually narcissistic people overall as they lack empathy and compassion for others and think they are superior and entitled, while ‘animals’ are below ‘humans: A separation based on illusion. Those humans who are normal are capable of learning how to respect animals of other species, as well as other humans, equally. Remember that those vegans who only respect non human animal rights, might also at times, be narcissistic or abusive towards humans and can harm humans, but that would be unusual. Sadly some altruistic narcissistic people exist who masquerade around as charitable leaders.
2. Those who regard other humans as ‘lower’ to them, or less important, and try to harm to hurt others deliberately in interpersonal behaviour are narcissistic. The harm is a real one. A Narcissistic abuser has actually hurt others physically or mentally in significant ways and immorally so. Please don’t judge others as narcissistic just like that, without reason, or out of misunderstanding, as a Narcissist will opine that their victims were narcissistic.
3. The Narcissist is delusional and usually pretends that others harmed them and brainwashes others into believing in their version which is never factual. Therefore it gets very difficult to pinpoint who the Narcissist is.
Thankfully there are some significant personality traits that give them away.
It is their aura, it just feels dark or negative. Even if they dress well or look well turned out, something in them is repulsive or off putting. Use your intuition.
4. Their eyes give them away…it is the way they look, in insulting, angry, or maleficent ways, either sideways while talking to someone they hate, or narrowing their eyes to indicate their anger or meanness against the victim.
5. The way their eyes become round, pop out, and they smile in victorious ways when proving their judgemental point to someone and while criticising others. ‘See, I was right’ is what they say animatedly. Their preoccupation is to judge others. Like they have nothing better to do. It’s always about people.
6. The way they hang out with those who gossip and talk bad about the same people who they hate and the way they talk for hours against these victims. They usually hate good people or others who are normal, happy, beautiful, positive, successful, or trying to do well. They have a jealous mentality and wish that good people lose their health, wealth, fame, goodwill, or happiness, as they lack abundance and success consciousness.
7. The amount of time they waste being grumpy and angry. Unable to change their mood or behaviour in a timely way. Sometimes for years.They lack a joyful disposition. Their smiles, if any are fake and not from within the heart. Their apology is any is also false and a hoovering mechanism to control you and keep you involved in their repetitive dramas.
8. Their body language…aggressive movements, pointed finger while speaking, speaking with teeth gritted, upset tone, negativity, saying ‘huh’, walking up and down angrily, way of handling things around them as if they are throwing things, shouting, speaking as of they are scolding or irritable. They lack loving kindness, grace, gratitude, and gentleness.
9. Their lack of sensitivity to how someone else feels, or what someone else wants to do. They go on doing what they want and lack intuition and empathy.
10. They way they want to control events and relationships and the way they want others to schedule things as per their timetable, or want people to obey them entirely and not be included in decision making. You are never an equal. They are like the boss or teacher. They are in control and the world must revolve around them.
11. Strong expectations from others to be ‘perfect’ and doing things a certain way instead of allowing uniqueness, individuality, and personal flaws, or mistakes. They are unusually intolerant of others.
12. Tantrums and mood swings that can be explosive …and they blame it on others. They say ‘you should not have said anything to me’, ‘you made me hurt you’ or ‘its impossible to have a conversation with you’ or call you names by projecting their traits on to you.
13. Reverse blaming is a significant aspect of this behaviour. They lack self reflection on their part in the situation. Therefore they make up a false narrative and stick to it. They try to get sympathy from others by acting as if they are being victimized, but refuse to see how they were harming or hurting others.
14. Heart is not used often. They can be hot headed, rash, and bad mouthed. Pleasantness and genuine loving warmth are not their strongest trait.
15. Condescending and disrespectful attitude reflecting that ‘they don’t care’, or ‘why should they care’, thereby minimising your worth. They are not thankful for you, for your work, your talents, your support, or your inputs, but expect you praise them for what they do.
16. Lack of good listening skills. Talking too much and draining energy out of others, even if others seem to not be interested or are tired, sleepy, unwell, etc. They are just not alert to what someone else might feel, need, or want, emotionally or physically. At times they also take away money and your valuables and not just your time. But usually they are emotional and energy vampires who feed off energy of others.
17. They will have a few friends whom they keep around by pretending to care about them so that they have some flying monkeys or enablers to spread hate with or to seek support from in continuing their behaviour. Some of these people are cunning themselves, while others are vulnerable and easily manipulated.
18. They can be cheats in romantic relationships. They are never satisfied with one person and don’t display loyalty. They might want sexual relationships with someone else while being married or in a committed relationship. The person they are with is like a puppet or servant.
19. They train people over time to love them, do things for them, expect bad behaviour from them, get used to their demands, to satisfy their needs, to be there for them. They might even have a generous supply, or a ‘harem’ to feed from.
20. You will feel so much better when not in their presence. You will realise you were just ‘used’ to them, to having them around due to a trauma bond, and were infact used ‘by’ them. You might have even absorbed or reflected some of their attitudes, traits, or energy.
You will see for yourself that you will indeed be a better version of yourself on your own, as if a negative energy has left you when you are not with them. A sense of relief and peace of mind.
I hope this detailed article helped someone.
For one to one help, tips, coaching, and advise over phone or video calls, alongside the wisdom of Tarot for relationship advise, please contact me via http://www.askswati.com
Swati Prakash 