We were born as natural and honest as can be, yet adults around us, including our parents, teachers, and society, imprinted their beliefs upon our our minds both knowingly and unknowingly. We learnt many things that we now need to unlearn. We repressed our real self and became angry, unhappy adults as a result. The inner child still stayed within us… we carry it everywhere…its a part of our subconscious that still awaits healing.
Here are some tips to heal our inner child. Note that not only would you improve your relationship with yourself but also with your own children and with children around too once you practice these suggestions.
- Let Her Be: As adults we sometimes impose our rigid rules upon our children. We ask them to be polite, to focus on manners, to sit and listen, to obey orders, to dress to conform, to behave like adults…even if it is actually better for them to play, to explore,to be unruly and to express themselves authentically – to actually be child-like at that point. When we impose rigid rules all the time on kids, it indicates that our own inner child is being equally caged and constricted by us. We have started living a false life based on rules defined by society instead of following our heart. In truth we need to set ourselves free. Not all rules are ‘bad’ and we do need to guide our kids and our ‘inner child’ as responsible parents. Yet, to be overly focused on outer rules and norms is terrible and kills the inner-child’s need to learn through their own inner reasoning. Let our children Be, the way they are meant to be…to be kids and not little adults. And let our inner child Be too!
- Unconditional Love: When we are afraid of holding and cuddling our kids…and give them a bit of love only when they do something as per our conditions, it gives their subconscious mind a message that they are not really loved. True love is unconditional. Our children …just like animals…are naturally loving. They are here to remind us that we need to be unconditional and love ourselves truly. Do we really believe that we are worthy of our own love? Do we think we will be lovable if we are richer, more beautiful, more famous, more successful….more of anything that the world makes us believe in? Do we seek happiness by following examples thrown at us from every media, advertising and marketing to become mere consumers …always looking for something new that will make us feel better about ourselves? Or are we supposed to look within and love our inner self which is beyond materialism? Give yourself a big divine hug. And your children too…just like that!
- Let Her Make Mistakes: How often do we scold our kids when they make a slip while trying to handle more than they could? Or, be overprotective so as to prevent them from learning through mistakes. Similarly…how often do we criticize ourselves when we are unable to meet anyone’s expectations? We feel the need to be perfect…to not err and fall…Yet, that is the way kids learn…by trying, failing and trying again. This is an important message kids give to all of us who are trying. Let there be no struggle in your trying. Do not let your inner adult scold you each time you fall or worry about falling. Keep doing your best joyfully without obsessing about what others are thinking. It is not about who is observing you or judging you. Its about being sincere and having fun in life – at the same time. Its possible!
- Follow Intuition not Rigid Routines: As children we are born with some natural gifts. Mother nature is our real mother who has always given us what we need. Our childhood instincts are to cry when we need feeding because it is necessary for our survival. We sleep when we want to and wake up when we feel like as a child instead of following the zonal clocks, because our inner time system is more important. We eat when we feel like and do not eat when we need not to eat…because that is the right thing to do. Yet as adults we forget to follow our own natural instincts. These instincts are in-fact aligned with our intuition guiding us from within. Something in us knows what we need at any point. As adults it is necessary to not become too artificial in our ‘routines’ and to remain spontaneous for the sake of our own health and happiness. We fall ill and suffer whenever we go out of touch with our inner self. Our kids and our inner child need us to be intuitive now.
- The World is a Reflection: Kids are playful and focused on having fun instead of worrying about the world. Yet, in the process of ‘growing them up’ we teach our kids to regard the world as fixed and central to our existence. We wrongly program our own inner child too…that life is full of challenges, problems are inevitable, the world is full of evil…we need to accept things ‘as they are’ and we need to compete and stay ahead of ‘others’ to get what we want. For our inner child, the world is just a playground…everything comes to the child magically…someone always gives them all they need…they attract what they want. Yet our adult self reduces them to nothing and makes the world more important. In truth the world is a reflection.
A healthy inner-child would know that:
- The world is not a ‘bad’ place full of problems and threats
- People and things that we encounter are connected back to our mind
- It’s not about what others think of you or expect of you
- Mistakes are okay as long as we keep doing what we love
- Love yourself and others, be authentic not opportunistic
- The world is a playground and we are just experiencing it joyfully
- The world is magickal – a mere reflection of the inner world
- Be natural, be intuitive, be self guided, create your own rules with love
- Enjoy! Life is wonderful!
Swati Prakash 